Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, but it's often misunderstood and surrounded by myths that can hinder the healing process. It’s natural to crave a concrete guide to navigate the tremendous impact of loss, but this is where the perpetuation of myth often begins. While understanding “stages and strategies” can be helpful, I invite you to consider that hidden in the pain of grief, inside your own body and knowing, is a beautifully unique pathway to healing and personal growth. While this knowing may be difficult to find while deep in mourning, your unique path to healing can be revealed through openness, support, compassion, and time. The following paragraphs will explore and challenge the myths of grief while weaving in the powerful ways that nature can support your journey. Evolve In Nature is more than a name, it’s an invitation for all of us.
Myth 1: Grief Has a Time Limit
One of the most persistent myths about grief is that it follows a predictable timeline. In reality, grief is a deeply personal and unique experience. Some people may start to feel better after a few months, while for others it may take years. It's crucial to understand that there is no "normal" or "right" timeline for grief. The popular "stage theory," in which grief passes through 5 stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—may be appealing in that it makes it seem that loss can be controlled. However, research suggests that grief doesn't follow a set of stages. It's a complicated, ongoing process that often comes in unpredictable waves. Many people express feelings of guilt and shame at the passage of “too much” time, and put undue pressure on themselves to “get better.” This essentially invalidates their own experience. It can lead to masking (hiding/faking emotions) and social isolation, which exacerbates the grieving process and might lead to further wounding.
Invitation: Allow Yourself to Grieve–Your Way
A key to debunking the myth of time limits is to permit yourself to grieve at your own pace. Embrace your emotions, whatever they may be, and resist the urge to rush the process. It's okay to feel sadness, anger, guilt, or other emotions during your grieving journey and it’s okay to not be…OK. Should you find yourself in need of some space to grieve within your own rhythm, natural spaces can offer a soothing contrast to the turbulence of grief. Nature can also serve as a powerful metaphor for life’s cycles of change and renewal. This can help you make sense of the cyclical nature of grief and provide a framework for understanding the ebb and flow of emotions you may be experiencing.
Myth 2: You Should Be “Strong”
Society often expects individuals to be strong and composed in the face of loss, but this myth can be damaging. Unprocessed grief does not dissipate. Instead, it gets stored in your nervous system and it can manifest in various physical and emotional ways such as chronic stress, changes in sleep/eating habits, and even physical issues like headaches and digestive problems. Simply put, suppressing your emotions can lead to prolonged grief and hinder the healing process.
Invitation: Express and Share Your Emotions
It's essential to express your emotions in whatever way feels accessible to you at the moment. I use the term “accessible” intentionally to note that (initially) your ways of coping might not be what some consider “ideal.” Coping with the emotions that accompany grief can be ugly and uncomfortable, and even unhealthy at times. I’ll say it again, it’s OK not to be OK. You can feel overwhelmed by emotions years after a loss. Crying, talking, drawing, or writing about your loss can be cathartic and healing- particularly in the presence of a compassionate witness. A compassionate witness is someone who provides safe, nonjudgemental, and empathetic support for someone experiencing emotional pain. This person can be a family member, friend, therapist, or support group. Nature can also be a safe and non-judgmental space to express and move emotions. People may find it easier to talk about their feelings or cry in the embrace of the natural world. Moreover, the physical exertion of a hike can soothe the nervous system and allow for the release of emotional energy.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
Myth 3: Grief Is Linear
Another myth is that grief is a linear process, with stages to move through one by one. In reality, grief can feel more like waves, with ups and downs. Some are gentle and some are huge and overwhelming. You might revisit earlier stages even after you thought you moved past them, and you may never experience some stages. Holding yourself to a linear guideline can rob you of your own emotional experience and invite unwanted feelings of guilt or frustration. Please know that there’s no wrong way to grieve.
Invitation: Learn to Ride the Waves
Understanding that grief is not linear can help you navigate your grief journey more effectively and invite more self-compassion. From this lens, you can learn to embrace the ups and downs. You can “ride the waves” of emotion and healing in your own unique way. One example is spending time with nature. In quiet contemplation with the “more than human world,” we observe that nature is intimately tied to the cycles of life and death. Observing these natural processes can offer a perspective on the universality of loss and inevitability of change. In nature you’ll find little that grows in a straight perfect line. Even flowers planted in straight rows will bend and twist to find their light…you can too.
Myth 4: Grief Is Only About Death
Grief isn't limited to the loss of a loved one through death. You can experience grief from the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even significant life changes. Recognizing these forms of grief can support you in fostering self-compassion and honoring your relationship with loss, in whatever form it takes.
Invitation: Acknowledge All Forms of Grief
Learn to identify and acknowledge the different sources of grief in your life. The healing process can be similar, regardless of the cause of grief. I invite you to consider the powerful metaphors nature offers for life’s cycles of change and renewal. This can help you make sense of grief’s cyclical nature, and provide a framework for understanding the ebb and flow of your emotions.
Grief is a deeply personal experience that defies many common myths. The four myths outlined here are by no means an exhaustive list. Rather, they are a brief introduction to a complex process. Understanding these misconceptions and embracing the healing process as a unique journey can help you navigate your grief in a beautiful and profound way. Should you find yourself in need of additional support, the team at Evolve in Nature can partner with you on your path toward healing. This includes our 12-week therapy group Resilience in Grief, beginning in January.
“Someone I loved once
gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that
this, too, was a gift.”