This blog post looks at more global topics of change that we might struggle to accept and offers ways in which we might work towards reconciliation. If the past two years have taught us anything with a global pandemic, unprecedented weather events, financial and/or job insecurity, political upheaval, and more, it’s that there are many things we are not in control of - or many things that are outside our locus of control. And while some of us might rationally know that there’s a lot outside our locus of control, the American narrative is that we, as individuals, are in control of our lives.

In our busy, bustling, modern world we have come accustomed to our experience being full of noise at any given time. When we find a pause in our day we pick up our phones and are bombarded by news and notifications. We are in a constant, unconscious pursuit to distract ourselves from silence. This begs the question, why do we fear silence? What about it makes us so uncomfortable that we are willing to do almost anything to avoid it? By finding time to be silent and quiet the mind we are creating space for ourselves to listen to reflect into our inner world. When we create space between the stimulus and response, we can make more embodied and conscious choices and decisions that are aligned with our truth.

For trees, fall is a time to conserve energy in preparation for surviving the stress of winter, surviving change. You can learn that change and transition are inevitable, and adapting and coping with change can benefit you. Resourcing yourself prepares you and supports you during times of transition. You can use this time to go inward and reflect on what is nourishing in your life and what is not.

There’s an old saying that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” This means that when we do certain things over and over again, the neurons that are used to complete the task wire together and start to create neuropathways. The more we do something, the stronger the neuropathway becomes. This is great if we are learning a new skill we want to get better at. The more we do something, the better we get at it. Hence the saying: practice makes perfect.

Depth psychology broadly refers to a range of approaches that are focused on researching and exploring the relationship between the conscious and the unconscious. If we think of ourselves as a tree, so often we seek growth and understanding in our conscious world (above ground) but yet we fear putting our roots down for we know not what lies underneath us in the deep, dark, earth. When we seek growth but fear the unknown, we become rootbound, constricted, tied up in our thoughts and feelings, and cut off from our truest sense of self.

Anyone who has experienced grief knows that it is an authentic, strongly felt experience. The void of loss comprises a multitude of emotions. Grief is the experience we have when we have lost something. This loss can be a former self, a friendship, a job, a relationship, a way of life, or the death of a loved one. Grief is like a wound that gets opened up repeatedly, causing waves of feelings, sometimes all at once, and sometimes one emotion will rush through like floodwaters. Life does not stop for grief, so the big question is, how does one cope with the intensely felt experience of the grief process?

Season change has been counted on, followed, and celebrated for generations. We plant in the spring, grow and tend in the summer, harvest in the fall, and rest in the winter. There is a rhythm in it. Season change marks a time of transition as we slowly and then rapidly move from one season to the next. It’s like a wave in the ocean. It seems to move in slowly, rising to a crest, and then rapidly coming to shore, only to retreat back and do it all over again.

Our brains are powerful and complex tools that help us navigate our lives in so many important ways. The brain keeps us alert to danger, it reminds us to breathe and to eat, it helps process the world around us, and form relationships with others through communication and language. Our brains do so many wonderful things for us all the time but what happens when the mind betrays us? Our brains start to make connections that aren’t accurate or based in reality, providing us with a distorted and unreliable picture of what’s going on. These deceptive patterns of thinking and information processing are referred to as Cognitive Distortions. These distortions can easily work their way into our world view without us noticing, thus it is important for us to recognize these kinds of thoughts and challenge them before they become a problem in our lives.

Our sympathetic nervous system is the part of our nervous system that mobilizes us into action. If our nervous system detects a threat, whether it is real or perceived, it will trigger our fight/flight/freeze/faint response. If there isn’t a real threat, and we do not need these protective mechanisms, then we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our nervous system that calms us down. Communication is one of many tools that can be used to do this. Here are some tips for using communication to calm the sympathetic nervous system.

As we grow up, we learn through explicit and implicit messages that there are parts of ourselves that are loved, embraced, and accepted by others. For example, the people-pleasing part that wants to help and make others happy earns praise and positive rewards. The good child may earn privileges, an extra helping of dessert, signs of affection and love, or even a few moments of peace in an otherwise turbulent household. These parts can live in the “light” or are welcome in our public lives. We can show the world these parts of ourselves without shame or fear of negative reactions.

In the recent decades as research on trauma and its impact on our mind, body and spirit have made its way to the forefront of counseling psychology it has also opened up curiosity around resilience and healing. From this curiosity has emerged new insights on what researchers have termed Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive psychological changes that are experienced as a result of challenging and adverse circumstances.

Mindfulness meditation can help improve chronic pain by improving emotional and attentional self-regulation. Mindfulness meditation can help reduce pain and the emotional effects of chronic pain by creating functional and structural changes in the brain as neuroplasticity becomes a hot topic in the world of chronic pain management. Through mindfulness meditation, one can use cognitive self-regulation to help modulate pain and emotion. The three components in mindfulness meditation that contribute to pain relief and the emotional experience of pain are improved self-awareness, attention control, and improved emotional regulation.

I have two gardens on my property. One is in a greenhouse. It is filled with tomatoes, squashes, and cucumbers. These plants grow tall. The zucchini and cucumbers climb and in such a tight space they need something to climb up. So I provide latticing for them to curl their reaching tendrils around. As they grow, their outstretched tendrils pull them higher up the wall. For the most part, they don’t need additional tending past the first bit to help guide them to the lattice wall. Once they attach they will climb as high as they can, reaching and growing towards the sun, and they will produce their edible delights.

Solstices provide an excellent time to reflect on all these experiences. They invite us to reflect on our past journey, celebrate our successes, and mourn our losses. The solstice is a time to explore the present moment, to examine the current situation for what works, what feels healthy, and what feeds the soul. They also invite us to explore what isn’t working, what isn’t healthy, and what dampens the soul. They are a wonderful opportunity to create new intentions for moving forward and to shed that which no longer serves us.

This has been a big year for not only our country but also our world. We have witnessed a global pandemic resulting in millions of deaths. We have witnessed unnecessary deaths on video in front of our very eyes, ongoing mass public shootings, riots, and we have watched our loved ones suffering and going through their own struggles. Through all of this, we are also trying to maintain our own physical and mental health.

Codependency is when one person self-sacrifices in order to meet the needs of another. Codependent relationships are unbalanced and unhealthy. Unconsciously, the codependent person is trying to save the other person from themselves, trying to “cure” a partner or parent of their addiction or abusive behaviors, or the codependent person is trying to get the other person to behave/respond in a certain way so that the codependent person can feel ok.

Transition and change are an inevitable part of life, yet so many of us recoil from, frantically run towards, or hold on too long to the status quo in vain attempts to assert control over a reality that is quite simply, uncontrollable. Specifically, we attempt to not feel the uncomfortable feelings associated with change. I’m interested in how we as humans navigate transitions, why we develop the patterns we do along the way and methods of freeing ourselves from those that are no longer serving us.

As adults, we often consciously seek partners to love us the ways our parents couldn’t, and yet we often find ourselves back in similar relationships, repeating the same patterns of our childhood families. The irony of this is not lost. And in fact, it can be not only perplexing as to why this continues to happen but is downright upsetting. I mean, no one goes out looking for a physically or emotionally abusive partner. Yet many times someone will go (unknowingly) from one abusive relationship to the next. It’s not like someone actively looks for a partner who has a substance use problem or addiction. And yet they may go from one relationship to the next with someone who is addicted or has a troubled relationship with substances. And the truth is, this happens in many different types of relationships, and we repeat the pattern over and over again.

Patriarchy is a politically loaded term that often gets misinterpreted, so I prefer referring to it as The Order of Unbalanced-Masculinity. The essence of this imbalance is that we are detached from our emotional selves, from our community, and from our spirit (however you define it). As technology continues its meteoric advancement, its application will be determined by the conscience of those who fund and develop it. Currently, this by and large means men, and guys, we are overwhelmingly stuck in emotional adolescence. If we are to avoid killing ourselves or creating some sort of dystopian nightmare (beyond what we’re already living), then men, we have a lot of work to do.

The mass shooting that took place in Boulder, Colorado on March 22, 2021 was horrific. In these early hours of the aftermath, many of us are experiencing shock, grief, fear, and rage. Our community is feeling the effects of terror and many are wondering how to respond and what to do. With that in mind, here are 5 things you can do now to tend to your mental and emotional health, which will lay the groundwork for your own healing and also allow you to respond effectively to those around you.